One Year On

Well, it's nearly been a year since I left Newcastle and moved into The Buddhist House, Narborough, to experience full time Buddhist training. What a year it's been! I've learned so many things over the past year and I suspect that I'll still be digesting a lot of it in the years to come. It's been without a doubt, one of the best and most challenging experiences of my life so far. What is the main thing that I have learned I ask myself. The most profound and liberating and painful and sobering has been glimpsing my own bombu nature. As a self confessed perfectionist, the increasing awareness of my foolish nature has been my biggest challenge. The identity that I've created as being something better than I am, has been and I suspect will be, the ongoing koan in my life. This life of faith doesn't come easy to this lass ... Am i truly acceptable to the Buddha in my imperfect state? This is my heart's question.

"As the verse says, the Buddha never abandons us even if we feel that we are utterly undeserving of his compassion. The recognition that we are saved despite ourselves, is the very thing that allows our karmic weight to no longer be as 'burdensome' for the Buddha takes it on his shoulders, so to speak, and assures us that it is no longer an impediment to our being embraced by his wisdom and compassion. To be sure, we still feel the bitter pain and disappointment of our own manifold shortcomings but we no longer have the added burden of feeling that we are thereby excluded from the Buddha's grace.

Ultimately, the Buddha's message is one of joy in the liberating knowledge that our salvation from the fetters of human existence is not, in any way, subject to what we do, can do or should do. Of course, we seek to live our lives as humanely as we can with due regard to the well-being of others. Unfortunately, however, this is not always possible. Despite our very best intentions, we do often hurt other people and cause untold damage in all sorts of subtle ways - to ourselves, the environment, and to animals.

We should live our lives with our eyes wide open to all that we are and to all that we do. We should be honest about our capacities and not delude ourselves that we are better than we really are or superior to others. In the face of the Buddha's purity and perfection, we are as nothing. In relation to his steadfast promise of complete emancipation, we should take stock of our true worth and gratefully accept this gift with profound gratitude."

John Paraskevopoulos http://www.nembutsu.info/may033.htm